How Sikh is That?

A friend posted a placard on Facebook recently that displayed pictures of various people. Underneath the individual pictures were simple descriptions. These were those descriptions:

  1. This is not a Muslim; this is a Sikh.
  2. This is not a Muslim; this is a Hindu.
  3. This is not a Muslim; this is a Buddhist.
  4. These are not Muslims; these are Christians.
  5. This is not a Muslim; this is a fundamentalist nutjob terrorist!

Being the wise guy I am, I posted a NotaMuslimjpgquestion beneath his placard. I simply asked, “Do Muslims actually exist?” I was being facetious, but something about this placard really bothered me.

It wasn’t that I disagreed with his point. The thing that really bothered me was within myself. I looked at the picture of the Sikh and realized I always thought the Sikhs were a sect of Islam. Is my face red!

The placard forced me to actually do some research. I discovered that not only are the Sikhs not Muslims, they don’t get along with Muslims.

I’m not sure how I picked up this misinformation in the first place.

I’m not sure how I picked up this misinformation in the first place. I apparently misunderstood something along the way. Maybe someone misinformed me. Even worse, I may have just made some poor associative assumptions. As the kids like to say these days, “My bad!”

There’s enough bad blood floating around this planet without some well-meaning dolt like me adding to the ignorance. Fortunately, I don’t think I ever shared my errant knowledge with anyone else. But since I’m a preacher, the possibility had certainly existed.

I try not to badmouth anyone (including Muslims). I do, however, slip up now and again just like everyone else I know. One of the more embarrassing things in life is to accuse someone of something only to discover they’re innocent.

I don’t think it’s a secret that a lot of Muslims in general are getting a bad rap these days. I assume most of them don’t deserve it. If they actually did, the world would be in a lot worse shape than it is.

I neither recommend nor endorse trashing others. In fact, I strongly counsel against it. But if you’re bound and determined to do it, it would behoove you to at least know whom it is you’re trashing.

We tend to paint with very broad brushes.

This sort of behavior is certainly not relegated to faith battles. It branches out into lots of areas of our lives. We seem to have a great propensity for painting people with very broad brushes. In doing so, we crush the innocent along with the guilty.

I seem to recall Jesus saying something about pulling up weeds and inadvertently destroying the good wheat along with them. He advised against that.

Our problem seems to be an unwillingness to distinguish between the weeds and the wheat. We just randomly destroy what’s in front of us. A little discernment mixed with more knowledge of the facts might go a long way. If you’ve ever been on the wrong end of that attitude, you know what I mean.

I’m Full of It: Tryptophan and Our Thanksgiving Stupor

I’m full. I’m really full. I could stop right there, and almost everyone in America would understand exactly what I mean. But since I have to justify my existence, I’ll explain further.

WarningThe Thanksgiving meal is over, so I’m not only full, I’m sleepy. I’ve lain around watching football and the tryptophan has kicked in. At least that’s what they’ve told us for the last fifty years (whoever “they” are).

However, “they” are now telling us differently. It appears someone was wrong. I’m presently reading that we’ve been duped all these years.

“It’s a big fat lie.”

The Huffington Post says, “It’s a big fat lie.” Yes indeed…none other than the Huffington Post. And you know if the Huffington Post says it…well…

So to make sure, I’ve checked several other sources. Lo and behold, everyone seems to be in lock step on this one. Tryptophan is apparently not the kryptonite we once thought it was.

We are now told we’re sleepy simply because we’re all little piggies (or big ones). We’re sleepy because we overate. We’ve gorged ourselves. We were hungry enough to eat a horse, but we substituted a turkey, three yams, two pieces of pumpkin pie, and a partridge in a pear tree.

I have to say that I believe them (even TenPoundsthough I saw it on the internet first). The scary part for me is what happens after the meal is over and we’ve cleaned up the kitchen.

All the leftovers are packed away and stored in the refrigerator. I’ve sprawled out on the couch to watch the NFL marathon. After the first quarter of football (and sometimes sooner than that), I’ve got my nose in the fridge looking for some leftover stuffing. Why do I do that?

I do it because it’s really good. I do it because leftover stuffing is even better than first-over stuffing. I do it because I know if I don’t, I won’t get any (and that’s because everyone else in the house has the same idea). And to be totally honest, I do it because I have zero discipline (particularly on Thanksgiving Day). I can’t blame it on the Bossa Nova like Eydie Gorme (look it up, young people).

“Tryptophan was a great excuse.”

And so it goes. We overeat. It’s carbohydrate city. Melatonin galore. And what do we do? Go back for more. And until the leftovers are all gone, I’ll keep a path worn from the couch to the Amana. I’m my own worst enemy. So I’m full.

Tryptophan was a great excuse. I’m sleepy? It’s the tryptophan. I can’t help it. I’d better take a nap.

RetainingFoodNow the excuse has been unceremoniously jerked from my unsuspecting hands. It’s no longer God’s fault for putting that stuff in such a delicious bird. It’s now my fault for being a glutton. Oh the humanity!

I guess I’ll have to take a step or two toward personal responsibility. Hi—I’m Dave Zuchelli, and I’m an overeater.

More on that later… Right now I’m too sleepy.

 

Lepers of the Third Kind: A Thanksgiving Tale

Anyone who’s been a Christian for three years running has heard the story at least once. Preachers love to tell it this time of year. It’s from that classic Thanksgiving Scripture passage, Luke 17:11-17.

Jesus heals ten lepers. As he often does, he performs this feat in a rather clandestine way. They ask him to have pity on them. His response is to send them to someone else.

Tlepers-insethe someone else, of course, happen to be the priests. There are theological reasons for his choice, but we’ll let the preachers worry about that one today. What strikes me about this rather terse and abrupt tale are the results.

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum (or temple, or wherever the priests were hanging out that day). They all were healed—cleansed of leprosy. The big twist is that only one of them went back to thank Jesus.

Were the rest ingrates?

The standard line of thinking is the rest were ingrates. Plus, as a little sideline, the one who came back was a foreigner. I’m not sure why that matters, but we make a big deal out of that little fact. The Bible doesn’t give us all the dirty little details. So for all we know, they were ALL foreigners (maybe even undocumented citizens). But I digress.

These ten usually get divided up into two groups—nine ingrates and one elated, enthusiastic, and rip roaring new believer. He, of course, was thankful in a huge way. He came back yelling thanks and praise while tossing himself at Jesus feet.

So the classic juxtaposition (don’t you just love that word?) is between the one who gave thanks and the nine who didn’t. Yet it occurs to me there is probably a third group.

Christ heals 10 LepersDid ninety percent of them actually see their healed state and say, “This is cool. No time to go back to say thanks. Let’s go party!” No. I suspect at least a couple of them had no clue what happened.

Some of them probably never put two and two together. They walked away never realizing it was Jesus who did it. After all, he simply sent them away. He didn’t touch them. Nor did he say, “Be healed.” He just sent them to the priests.

Was it a coincidence?

Some of them may have considered it a coincidence. Some could have even attributed the cleansing to the priests. One or two may have given credit to diet and exercise. Who knows?

My point is this. Someone had to tell them what actually happened or they would never have guessed. These things still happen today.Jesus Did His Part

How many ungrateful people are walking around today sporting the many blessings of life? How many of them don’t realize where those blessings originate? They think they either worked hard for them or just lucked out.

Somebody should tell them. That somebody is the church. We’re the ones who know the truth, aren’t we?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Glass in the Street

BrokenPaneIt was recycling day in our neighborhood this past Thursday. I put our oversized bin out to the curb early in the day like a good doobie. I had missed the week before for some reason and we were full to the brim.

Later in the day, I headed out to retrieve the bin and saw the recycling truck out front. I didn’t want to be pushy, so I waited in the garage until I figured they were done. Then I headed toward the curb.

I stopped short when I saw the RD (recycle dude) busting his buns to pick up odds and ends off our street. Apparently, he overestimated his reach or underestimated the distance. Either way, he was in a hurry to cover his tracks.

When the truck pulled away, I moseyed out to the curb to finish retrieving my  bin. It didn’t take me long to see why the RD was busting his buns to get out of there. What I saw was broken glass spread across the street in front of our home.

I was a little torqued off, but I kind of blamed myself for missing the week before and having so much stuff in my container (even though it wasn’t my fault). So I picked up the largest pieces by hand and then grabbed a push broom from my garage to quickly get the rest of the thoroughfare cleared away.trash

I got to thinking later how much like life that little incident was. For example: we always talk about congress hurrying to pass laws that have unintended consequences. They want to clear up a little problem that made big news, so they pass a statute to fix it.

In their hurry to do so, they fail to think through the possible results of their little fix. Consequently, they end up causing more problems than they solved for a lot more people than were helped in the first place. Like my recycle dude, they make a hurried mess for someone else to clean up.

These things happen all the time in life on a smaller scale. A driver swerves to miss a squirrel and hits another car. A cook takes a shortcut to move a heated dish and burns her hand. A pastor preaches a sermon to address what he thinks is a problem in his congregation and drives ten people away (woops).

A decision made in haste, a thoughtless action taken, a reflexive word spoken without consideration… Each of us has done all these things. Each time we’ve done so, we’ve made a mess. On top of that, sometimes we can’t stick around long enough to clean it up. Other times we’re unable to clean it up. Occasionally we don’t even know we caused the mess in the first place.Broken_glass

In each of those instances, someone else has to clean it up (or at least help). I really hate glass in my street! Don’t you?

 

Wrinkles, Gray Hair, and Scars

Wrinkles Gray HairAwhile back, I saw a placard on Facebook that said,

“Wrinkles mean you laughed, grey hair means you cared, and scars mean you lived!”

Using the “e” in gray would seem to indicate it came from Great Britain, but that’s not the point.

Wrinkles, gray hair and scars together on one body generally point to one thing—old. Old is a state no one wants to reach. It’s a condition everyone attempts to put off.

The older we get, the less we like to speak of it. The old (pardon me)… The timeworn adage tells us we should never ask a woman her age. A lot of guys feel that way as well.

Wrinkles can be a good excuse!

I have to tell you, I’m enjoying my old age. Aside from the aches and pains, I like being old. “ I’m too old” is a pretty good excuse for avoiding lots of things.

One thing it’s not good for avoiding is leadership in the Body of Christ. The Bible is really clear about being an elder and a leader. Young leaders in the Bible are definitely the exception.

Timothy is one of the more notable exceptions. You might remember Paul telling him not to allow anyone to look down on him because of his youth (1 Timothy 4:12). For the most part, however, people were revered because of their age and wisdom.homeless

That sure seems to have gone by the boards lately.

Everything is geared toward the young (but I’m sure I’m not telling you anything new there). I don’t mind that so much, but I think we’re missing the boat in the church when we do that. We’ve got a bit too much to lose when we overlook the elders.

The world likes to create new styles and try them out. They try them out on the young, not us. That’s smart because we old geezers aren’t all that crazy about any change—particularly when it means spending money. But that, my friends, is one of our strong suits.

Wrinkles can equal wisdom.

Any change that’s going to occur with us is going to take awhile. We’re going to have to test it out. We’re going to have to examine it. We’re going to have to make sure it’s heading in the right direction and line up with the will of God.

That’s why (Biblically speaking) we’re the ones the Lord points to when someone’s looking for answers. We’ve got the experience to lean on. We amassed a lot of wisdom over the years (collectively at least). We’re bound and homeless-845709_1280determined to do something right if we’re going to do it at all…particularly when it affects the Kingdom of God and how it functions within the church.

So the next time someone calls you old, thank him or her. Then ask them how you can help. If they’re smart, they’ll take you up on it. And if you’re smart, you’ll follow through…wrinkles and all.

Eddie Haskell and the Price of Insincerity

If any of you are as old as me, you probably remember the defunct TV program, Leave It To Beaver. I loved that show. If you’ve never seen it, you can find full-length episodes of it on YouTube (just like everything else).

Leave it to Beaver has been described as a “feel good” family sit-com. I don’t EddieHaskellknow about that, but I always found it to be entertaining (probably a little tame for today’s tastes, however).

Ward, June, Wally and the Beaver were quite the family. But I have to say, the most unforgettable character on that show (for me at least) was Eddie Haskell.

Eddie was the smart mouthed kid who always tried to put up a phony façade for the adults. He would tell June Cleaver how nicely she was dressed that day and then go upstairs and make wisecracks about her. The kid who portrayed him, Ken Osmond, pulled it off really well. So well, in fact, that he got typecast by the role and couldn’t find enough work as an actor after that. He ended up becoming a policeman.

But back to Eddie Haskell… Eddie was a good-looking kid who thought a little too much of himself. On the other hand, he was too insecure to let the real Eddie be front-and-center.

Not Eddie Haskell
Not Eddie Haskell

He was a mere television character, of course, but there are lots of Eddie Haskell’s around. It amazes me how many of us in the church act like him. The church is the one place where we should be able to be ourselves—no airs, no facades, no false demeanors. Yet sometimes we’re as fake as anyone else. Who are we trying to be?

We’re often too busy appearing to be “holy” to let our guards down. We have to make sure no one suspects we’re really sinners underneath our halo. Heaven forbid we might emerge as less than perfect.

The sad thing about Eddie was that no one was fooled by his act. Everyone saw right through him. Nobody thought he was anything but a phony. They certainly didn’t see him as the overly polite young man he tried to portray to the adults. When he said, “That’s a lovely dress you’re wearing, Mrs. Cleaver,” June wasn’t buying it.

Well guess what! Not many are buying that we’re perfect saints either. In fact, some folks avoid our churches because they think we’re hypocrites. We talk a good game, but are we convincing anyone we actually care?

Eddie has an opposite in this world. His name is Jesus. Ask yourself this. Do I want to be like Eddie Haskell or Jesus Christ?

CleaverFamJesus told the Pharisees (the forerunners of Eddie Haskell) that they were like hired hands who would abandon the sheep when the wolves came around. He, on the other hand, was the real deal. The sheep would gather at the sound of his voice because he was genuine. How genuine are WE?

 

Million Minister March

There was the Million Man March, the Million Mom March, and now the Million Student March. You’ve probably heard of the first two, but the third has just recently burst onto the scene. If you’re unfamiliar with it, the following video will give you a pretty good idea.

Keely_Cavuto
Cavuto Interviews Keely Mullen

Learn here about Million Student March

The emergence of this last one puts us on a trajectory for the new movement I propose. That would be the Million Minister March. I can’t wait.

This would have to happen on a Monday because most of us have to preach on Sunday. (Although, we might need Monday as a travel day, so we’d better make it Tuesday.)

Three Demands

Inspired by the college students, I have come up with three demands for a fairer and more equitable system of ministry. They are as follows:

  1. Free seminary education and cancellation of all existing educational debt
  2. $100,000 minimum salary for all ordained clergy ($75,000 for lay pastors, et. al.)
  3. Redistribution of members from all mega-churches to smaller congregations

These demands can easily be met if we rise up and educate the church to the plight of clergy in this country. Such goals are reachable and could be realized through the one percent of people who are hoarding their offerings. If we would institute a policy of a 90% giving rate for them, we would see immediate progress. These people, of course, need to be held accountable.

Administrators can work for free.

Seminaries have overcharged and sucked students dry for many years. They can now empty their coffers and liquidate their holdings to cover the unseemly debt many seminarians have had to carry for so long. Seminary administrators can certainly work for free (it’s their duty).

Seminary professors can become tentmakers in the tradition of the tentApostle Paul so classes can be offered free gratis. Not only would it be cost effective for students, it would be much more Biblical. We need a restoration of these fundamentals (as well as a lot more tents).

Mega-churches certainly don’t need all those members. They don’t deserve them anyway. Every small church should immediately be supplied with an extra two hundred members from the nearest large church until the larger churches are down to two hundred members themselves. This would place everyone on an even playing field. Jesus only had twelve disciples. Why do these people need 10,000?

Some have suggested that the one percent mentioned above might leave if these things were instituted in the church. To them I say, “Don’t be ridiculous.” We all know there’s always going to be a one percent. And just in case (as a sort of hedge) we should place at least one millionaire in every local congregation.

There is one caveat, however. There are only 600,000 clergy persons in the United States. In order to reach the one million mark, we’re going to have to fly in a few hundred thousand ministers from second and third world countries.BrokenPane

Maybe we should push it back to a Wednesday.

Wi-Fi-Bi: The Morning Text

DSC_0086A few years ago, I was going about my own business of preaching the Sunday sermon when I kept noticing someone in the congregation playing video games on his father’s cell phone. I won’t go into all the details, but it was really distracting (to both me and our congregants).

After it was all over, some of the church leaders decided to take action against such shenanigans. We wanted to avoid any future distractions of this ilk. After all, it’s God’s Word being preached here.

We decided the best course of action would simply be to place a permanent announcement in the bulletin. The announcement politely suggested that cell phone usage during worship was less than acceptable and that all such devices be powered down by kick-off time (I mean, opening prayer).

This seemed to work like a charm for a few weeks. Then, my wife and I took a trip out of state. During our travels, we worshiped with some friends.

“We were slightly blown away when it came time for the sermon.”

We were slightly blown away when it came time for the sermon. Lo and behold, the preacher suggested that everyone take out their cell phones, pull up their Bible apps, and click on the text for the morning.

My wife and I looked at each other rather sheepishly as we pulled out our antiquated paper Bibles. Everyone around us was reading the Scripture on their phones and electronic tablets while we were still paging through our clunky Bible books looking for the appropriate verse.

Where policies go to die…

When we got back home, the first thing we did was reverse our new policy. The permanent announcement disappeared from the bulletin. Such malfeasant things were never mentioned again.

Morning Text

This poignantly brings up an ongoing point of contention in the church. We seem to hate new things. We also seem to hate change. Since new things ARE change, I guess they go hand in hand.

While I’m part of that “hate change” crowd, I’m not sure why. We use these things outside of worship like it’s life and death. Why would we leave them at the door (so to speak)?

AIRPLANE MODE

I suppose an argument could be made that a ringing cell phone during service time would be rude, distracting, and unholy. But that’s why we have airplane mode (I wonder if we could get Apple to change that to Worship Mode).

We really have no good excuses for our rejection of all things new. Most of us are simply old fuddy-duddies and can’t help ourselves.

Another thing that out-of-state preacher did was preach from his iPad. I really wanted to try that, but I just couldn’t bring myself to part with my Bible. Ultimately, I gave it a shot. It took a few weeks, but I finally got used to it. Just between you and me however, I still print up my sermon outline and put it in my brief case. I just don’t trust it yet. Who knows when the battery will die?battery

Clergy Candy: Azor to Zoloft

It’s been widely known for some time that many clergy types are under stress. For whatever reason, many of us wind up in that well publicized state called burnout.

I heard recently that two of the most Azorprominent drugs used by clergy folks in the United States are Azor and Zoloft. I’m not totally sure of the accuracy of this statement, but I don’t doubt its veracity. I’ve watched many of my colleagues fight high blood pressure and depression (maladies for which Azor and Zoloft are often prescribed).

I, myself, tend to be so laid back that my tendencies toward such things seem to be minimized. Thus far I’ve been on the lower end of that spectrum. After thirty-five years of ministry, I suppose I’m somewhat safe (although, high blood pressure tends to run in my family.)

I’ve been a tentmaker for the past twenty years. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with that term, it’s a reference to the Apostle Paul who made and repaired tents for a living. It has come to mean anyone who works another job to support his or her ministry.

“…the leeway of saying no.”

Serving from that perspective allows me the leeway of saying no. If something doesn’t fit into my schedule and is not important enough, I pass. Some of my full-time clergy brethren don’t have that luxury (or at least don’t feel like they do).

I once heard John Maxwell relay the following story concerning a time when he served in a denominational setting. As is usually the case, there was an annual pastor’s report. One of the lines on his report asked how many visitations he had done throughout the year.

He began to wonder if anyone ever read these reports. One year he answered by saying he had done 15,000 visitations. No one said anything, so the next year he filled in the blank saying he had done one. Still, no one said anything.

“That little story changed my life.”

That little story changed my life. Up to that point, I was a big numbers guy. No more. I began to look at what was important and what could be jettisoned. I ended up jettisoning a lot.

More importantly, in thirty-five years of pastoral ministry I’ve observed something of extreme importance. Every time one of the congregations I served had a spurt of growth, it was laity inspired, laity led, and laity fed (although I’m sure the Holy Spirit had a little something to do with these windfalls).

I learned, sometimes the hard way, to step back from time to time. I’ve seen that congregations will gladly allow the pastor to do everything if he/she is willing. ZoloftI’ve also seen that they will fill the void when the “hired help” isn’t doing what they think should be done.

Ultimately, that’s our big problem. We clergy types see ourselves as hired help. We look at ourselves as professional Christians who need to earn our keep. The result? “Pass the Zoloft please.”

The Five Faces of Christianity

manyfacesA few days ago, there was a well-publicized terrorist act in which an American journalist was brutally beheaded. The next day, our Secretary of State rushed to a microphone to inform us that this was not “the real face of Islam.” While I could write an entire series on that statement alone, I’ll leave that up to my more political brethren.

John Kerry’s carefully chosen words, however, did spark an entirely different line of thought in my meager brain. What if the tables were turned and a Christian had perpetrated some dastardly deed? Would some dignitary stand up and unabashedly pronounce that it was inarguably not the face of Christianity on display?

“My quick answer to that is, no.”

My quick answer to that is, no. No one would bother to do that. The reason is a positive one. The reason is that no one would feel the need.

No one would feel the need because everyone understands that this kind of act is not the face of Christianity. Everyone understands this because Christianity has proven over the past 2000 years that her face is totally different. Hence, she would not need any outside defense to reinforce that assertion.

If that is true (and I think it is), it begs another question. What IS the face of Christianity? Who are we? What do we look like? How are we generally perceived?

We are multifaceted, multicultured, and multigenerational. We have myriads of theologies, tenets, denominations, and sects. We come in all colors, worship styles, and daily life practices. So what is our face?

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Are we known as Christian fundamentalists? Are we legalists? Are we theological liberals, or conservatives? Are we known as Bible thumpers or proponents of the social gospel? Are we known by our TV ministries, our work among the poor and homeless, or our hospitality to strangers?

The fact is, we are known by all these faces and more. So what is our face? Do we even have one?

The answer to that (in my estimation) is, yes we do. It is quite simply the face of Jesus. It is his face we must show. Our lives and practices must reveal his persona. We can, of necessity, be who we are; but we must learn to get out of the way enough for people to see the real Jesus.

“The Real Jesus…”

JESUS OF NAZARETH -- Pictured: Robert Powell as Jesus -- Photo by: NBC/NBCU Photo Bank
JESUS OF NAZARETH — Pictured: Robert Powell as Jesus — Photo by: NBC/NBCU Photo Bank

The real Jesus is the one whose “love covers a multitude of sins.” He’s the one who prayed that we would be united, just as he and the Father are united. He’s the one who told the Pharisees that he had other sheep not of their fold, and that he would call them and they would hear his voice.

We can discuss (even argue about) our different theologies, practices and styles. It seems to me, however, that the arguments stop at the foot of the cross. The blood of the Savior washes all who seek him there, regardless of our differences. It’s his face we must show the world.