I’ve Been Hacked!

My Lovely Bride just called to inform me that my Instagram account had been hacked and that I should do something about it. I immediately checked, and sure enough, something wasn’t quite right.

My new profile pic was gorgeous—but it wasn’t me. I suppose I could have left it there as a joke, but I’m sure I would have taken some flak for it (too much cleavage). Besides, they changed my website address as well. I was a bit afraid to check out the new one.

I set this account up years ago. Consequently, I can’t remember the password. The kind folks at Instagram gave me a link to jump into the account and change everything back the way it should be. But because I don’t have a record of the old password, I can’t change it to a new one. How I can be in the account but not be able to change the password is beyond me, but such is my neo-technological life.

I was able to repost my old pic as well as my own website. Unfortunately, I still can’t log in. When I forwarded my problems to their Help Department, this is the answer I received:

Hi—Thanks for contacting us. Before we can help, we need you to confirm that you own this account. Please reply to this email and attach a photo of yourself holding a handwritten copy of the code 393861046. Please make sure that the photo you send:

-Includes the above code hand-written on a clean sheet of paper, followed by your full name and username

– Includes both your hand that’s holding the sheet of paper and your entire face

– Is well-lit, and is not too small, dark or blurry

– Is attached to your reply as a JPEG file

Keep in mind that even if this account doesn’t include any pictures of you or is used to represent someone or something else, we won’t be able to help until we receive a photo that meets these requirements.

Thanks—The Instagram Team

At first, I thought this was a joke, but it seems to be the real thing. My thoughts are they need to move to a retina scan for proof. It might be a bit easier.

So now, I’ve done what they asked (I think) and am awaiting further instructions. It’s not the best pic in the world, but it should suffice. I’ve posted it on this blog for your amusement, so I suppose it will lead to another hacking somehow. These things are really irritating.

I’d like to blame the Russians for all this, but I’m quite sure it’s due more to my technological ineptitude than any foreign power. What I would like to do, however, is make an appeal to whoever hacked me in the first place. Please don’t do it again.

I suppose I should feel blessed. After all, Jesus said there’d be days like this. (Matthew 5:11-12) As usual, he was right.

[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is currently the pastor of Smith Chapel, in Great Falls, VA.]

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