I had never heard of him prior to stumbling across a recent article. I wouldn’t even have given the item a second look had it not been for his name—Dr. Bumbum. As I read the piece, my suspicions that this couldn’t possibly be his real name were confirmed. His actual name is Denis Furtado, he’s from Brazil, and he’s apparently a celebrity plastic surgeon.
From what I can gather, the term “bumbum” is Portuguese slang for the posterior end of the human body. Given the man’s profession, I guess it’s an apt nickname. It would be approximately akin to a guy like me having the nickname, Dr. Bible Thumper (if I actually had a doctorate—which I don’t).
She Died of Unknown Causes
As the story goes, the good (sic) doctor was injecting chemicals into the bumbum of one of his patients when she took ill. He rushed her to the hospital, dumped her in the emergency room, and took off for parts unknown. The big news is, 1) the patient later died of unknown causes, and 2) the police captured and arrested our antagonist five days later.
I don’t mean to make light of this series of unfortunate events, but the fact that this woman wanted her butt enlarged seems a bit ironic to me. From what I can tell, most women I know are looking for ways to reduce their behinds. How many of you husbands have heard this question just prior to taking your spouse out on the town? “Honey… Does this dress make my butt look fat?” I rest my case.
I know plenty of guys with nonexistent butts whose pants are in constant danger of falling down because there’s nothing to hold them up. The females of the species don’t generally have that problem. This was, obviously, an exception to the rule—may she rest in peace.
Not Everything in Rio is a Carnival
Let this be a warning to anyone who seeks buttocks enhancement procedures. My dear departed father used to use the phrase, “a shot in the rear.” He was referring to being caught by surprise. This, in fact, seems to fit right in with his terminology. Both the doctor and his patient got the surprise of their lives (or, in her case, the surprise of her death). She not only lost her life in the process, but she never got to enjoy having a more well-rounded derrière.
It’s been reported that Dr. Bumbum was neither a licensed nor trained plastic surgeon—at least not in Rio where the incident took place. It’s clearly a case of buyer-beware which devolved into a situation of buyer’s remorse. I’m guessing Furtado has a little remorse himself at this point.
The Bible tells us that human eyes are never satisfied. I guess that was the case with the female patient in our story. She obviously looked in a mirror and was unsatisfied with what she saw. As a result, one supposes she is now only seeing with spiritual eyes. Hopefully, she is currently liking what she sees.
[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and currently resides in Aldie, VA.]